Why Me?

Essay by the Cancer Diva

Have I been tested enough: this depression, this mental illness, this cervical cancer. Why do all my skeletons have to be out there constantly interrupting my peaceful life. I have a good life. Just when things are going great, I get suddenly thrown into an abstract world of ugly, mean life-threatening monsters.So, as I do in my nightmares, I take my paint brush and cover it with my favorite color -- pink. Yep, I walk straight up to the monster of cervical cancer -- and depression -- and I paint love into the monster's heart. Unconditional love so it won't hurt me physically or emotionally. I paint on that mother-fucking monster and I make it pretty. And in return the monster decides not to kill me. I wasn't about to let it.

The monster not only became pink, he became his own color, the color he always wanted to be. And after the monster met me in war, or during surgery, he looked at people who he was supposed to kill with cervical cancer and he could no longer do it.